Graham Tomlin’s Why Being Yourself Is A Bad Idea: And Other Counter Cultural Notions offers a refreshing and thought-provoking challenge to popular cultural messages, especially the concept of “being yourself.” Tomlin, a former Bishop of Kensington, writes with depth and nuance, making his reflections both accessible and relevant to the contemporary reader. His style is intelligent yet approachable, tackling complex ideas without oversimplifying them. Emphasising the layered wisdom that Tomlin brings to questions of faith and life, James Mumford aptly notes “This exposition of faith in the twenty-first century arrives at a simplicity the far side of complexity. The book is a real gift.”

The book’s subtitle highlights its purpose: to question prevalent cultural messages and norms while advocating for a Christian worldview. Each chapter introduces a counter-cultural idea, encouraging readers to look beyond surface-level answers and cultural clichés. Tomlin blends wisdom and cultural critique, creating a form of “cultural apologetics” that commends the Christian faith by addressing underlying assumptions in modern society.

Throughout the book, Tomlin challenges some of our most common beliefs and tackles our culture’s struggle with justice, freedom, and identity. His insights build on Martin Luther’s idea that essence of sin is “the heart curved in upon itself”, suggesting that true fulfilment comes when we look outward—to God and to others—rather than obsessing over self.

There were many highlights for me but I especially enjoyed the last chapter where he compares the church to a “resistance movement,” underscoring the need for Christians to be fully engaged with a local church where we join the resistance together, encouraging one another in the spiritual practices that are part of our training as disciples, and learning to love our neighbour in reality and not just theory. In a world that often glorifies self-sufficiency as well as self-expression, Tomlin shows that Christian faith calls us into deeper relationships with one another, revealing why belonging to a local, worshiping community is essential.

This book is ultimately an introduction to Christian thought for those willing to engage deeply with faith, rather than settling for a superficial, glossy version. It is not a ‘surface level’ introduction to faith — it requires reflection and engagement. But for anyone interested in a thoughtful, relevant exploration of Christianity’s counter-cultural message, Why Being Yourself Is A Bad Idea is a deeply rewarding read.

Chapter Outline

The book begins (Chapter 1) by challenging modern culture’s self-obsession, suggesting a better way that looks beyond oneself. This outward journey starts with a sense of wonder (Chapter 2), which directs us toward the transcendent, something beyond material explanations for the existence of the universe. The author then proposes (Chapter 3) that our deep longing for love may be a clue to understanding this transcendent reality, but first we must free ourselves from distorted cultural ideas about love.

The idea of divine love becomes clearer as the author explores the nature of God, especially as revealed in Jesus (Chapter 4). Through Christ, we witness perfect love. The relational nature of the Trinity illuminates this love further. However, this understanding raises an age-old question: why does suffering exist? (Chapter 5) While there are no easy answers, the author suggests how suffering can often lead people toward faith rather than away from faith.

The discussion then shifts to our innate desire for justice (Chapter 6) and our dual roles as both victims and perpetrators of injustice. The concept of original sin helps explain humanity’s divided nature. Hope for overcoming this brokenness is found in the resurrection of Jesus (Chapter 7) , which not only promises an ultimate end to suffering and putting things right. It also offers us a new identity as new creations, and a new way to live by a “law of love.”

The practical aspect of this transformation begins with redefining freedom (Chapter 8) —not as the ability to do whatever we want, but as liberation from what hinders us from becoming who God wants us to be. This transformation is not about self discovery but shaping our own souls through making choices and cultivating habits that are aligned with God’s will. Key among these habits is prayer (Chapter 9), along with other spiritual practices that foster a relational, attentive approach to God and life, beginning with gratitude.

Finally (Chapter 10), the author emphasises community as essential to living out this faith. Belonging to a worshiping, Christian community provides a setting for growth, realism, and learning to love others, grounding us in God’s love and enabling us to live it out in meaningful ways.

Taster Quotes

“If Christianity makes sense, it does so not just on its own terms, but because it makes sense of everything else. It offers answers to some of our deepest questions.”

“To be incapable of loving someone else is to miss out on some of the most satisfying parts of life. It is to fall short of being fully alive.“

“If our need to love and to be loved lies at the heart of our humanity, then maybe it is the ability to turn outwards towards the person who happens to be next to you right now, rather than inwards towards your own desires, that is the secret of true life and happiness? The capacity to ignore the nagging voice inside, the whining self that always wants its ego stroked, its needs instantly satisfied and, instead, to think yourself into what your neighbour needs, may turn out to be the secret of contentment after all. Maybe the route to true flourishing lies on the paradoxical path of self- denial, not self-discovery?“

“Christians don’t believe in God because they have solved the problem of evil. It’s just that they have discovered something that stands over against the problem and makes them believe anyway. They have heard the story of a God who gifted us a world that despite the perplexing presence of evil is still an extraordinarily beautiful and joy-giving place. The story goes on to tell of how this God entered into the heart of the very darkness of the world to rescue and redeem it, then invites us to become part of the solution rather than part of the problem by turning us outwards from our self-obsession, teaching us to love again. Over against the enigma of evil, we get the assurance as we are invited to look at the face, the hands, the life, the death and resurrection of Jesus, that God is good after all, that he has conquered evil and will one day eradicate it once and for all. That is why Christians believe. Because it gives them hope.”

“The death and resurrection of Jesus speaks to both the villain and the victim in all of us – the parts where we have sinned and the parts where we have been sinned against; the parts where we are the perpetrators of evil and the parts where we are its victims. There is nothing we can suffer that puts us beyond the reach of the love of God, and there is nothing we can do that puts us beyond the reach of the forgiveness of God.“

“Freedom is not freedom from other people, the independence to go our way and to be ourselves. It is the freedom from anything that would stop us becoming the kind of person capable of love for God and our neighbour. It is freedom from pride, envy and greed, not the freedom to indulge them. It is freedom from the anxious, fearful isolation that comes when we pretend we are independent and don’t need anyone else.”

“…the Church was always meant to be the heart of resistance to the power of evil in the world, a community that teaches a different way to live, a place where we learn resistance to ways of life that destroy hope. The Church might not seem the front line of the battle between good and evil, but that’s precisely what it’s meant to be.”

For an article by Graham Tomlin based on the subject of this book see this article from Christianity magazine.

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